When i said its hard to explain what kind of this relation really is..i really mean it...i want to keep this blog as a secret at least from peoples who knows me..so i can write everything..i just cant stop myself from writing it out from my mind...i think this is the way to balance all this...to keep me calm and maybe pretend....ya pretend...i pretend that im cool..i already forgot about him..totally forgot...but actually im not....
Is it by writing my chaotic feeling here in this blog can help me to ease my feeling towards him or its gonna grow up some more?....basically...i should shut this friendship off..and focus on my BF...but i dont want to..im being selfish when it come to this point...where i have to let go my bestfriend and stay with my BF, the one who i've been promised to be with him forever...and we even plan to get married as soon as possible...
My bestfriend is my logic..thats what im telling him..ya him...he is a guy..thats the problem...i guess at some point of friendship..we cant just be friend....there you go...infatuation come and takes place in the middle of the friendship...you want to call it love but somehow you can deny it because it cant be love.....but when we've been asked to stop seeing each other...deep in our heart we reluctant to do so....why aah???
Guess i go with the flow....im ready to let you go when u let me go my friend..its hurt enough to hear someone that i cared and loved asking me explanation which i cant give to him....and my BF cant just leave because he never hate me but frustrated with what i've done.....im sorry for being selfish this time...for writing it out here.....i know he gonna hurt badly if he knows this.....
im only the young V...knows nothing much but understand we learned as life goes on.....
Hope this gonna be last time i write it out here....dont focus it too much or at all!
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