be +ve!

Lets bring some positives energy in this blog..shall we??! =)

Life has been great.Im the only 1 left with all these girls yang masih stay di asrama untuk seat their STPM. Albert and I still friends.i did wrote that pulak kan.heh...Albert and I have come to realise that eventually our friendship will end.sort of.i mean we will stop contact each other.ya its not hard to do that maybe since we just get connected thru YM.Nowadays, i think i can accept Albert as bestfriend sudah.no toooo much feeling involve since he admit he only know me based on his notes.

And my engagement!yeah..we finally pick colours as theme for that day.I wont reveal too much about the engagement in here due to privacy!..lol.

unwritten contract

now albert GF minta tolong saya alert her everytime albert online.

Albert n I still friend like we used to, he even asked me to write a story.

My BF pinjam duit lagi.

erm.........

How do you do?

Hi...an email sent to me today from a blogger friend.Vicc =) she wrote that she mistakenly thought my blog with others..i click n read the link attached in the email...as i read the blog,basically, we both are in the same boat..more or less...we both trapped..thats all i can say about it....

I still contact, chat with Albert..he even did some cute effort just to make me happy...erm....why u have to be so sweet???

Last thursday we had school annual dinner for teachers and staffs...the theme was black.so, i was busy preparing myself looking the right dress for the dinner...i asked my BF for his suggestion about the dress i bought..what colour should i wear to match the dress..but instead of suggesting..he asking questions...what color i wanna wear..this and that..haha...then i got the chance to chat with Albert..and i asked for his opinion..suprisingly he came up with great suggestion and i trust him 100%......wear it black skirt, grey inner and floral or batik tudung..never wear all black..u will look like attending a funeral..he said.

and that was the result!...i got nomination for best dress but didnt win...only 4 votes!haha..i dont know...im afraid...coz i start comparing Albert with my BF on this...and i think its God's plan make Albert didnt remember at all what feeling we had previously.....so it can leave as one-sided love and that kinda love will eventually fade..i hope......i need to get my self more busy than ever~

Im being selfish.i know.

This quote really depicts what i feel right now...im not angry but frustrated..im frustrated because both of us have to go through this kind of situation where we dont have time for each other...and i still keep in touch with Albert...i know that wont make things any better but i promise to myself i never meant to make him regain his memory especially about us just to make sure he has feelings towards me again....im finally understand that he wish he can be treated as new person....


My BF n I have not decide the theme color for the engagement yet...well, the color doesnt important. It is just an excuse so we could talk with each other...it seems that we run out of topic...oh my...........

dear BF, dont leave me alone

its like 3 months before the engagement...our engagement...well the reason i create this blog so i can be sincere to myself...some might find it ugly how someone who is about the settle down has feelings for someone else...well..maybe that is what they call UGLY TRUTH...now im trying to start all over new...i try to focus life i have now....

me n him...which him?..my BF...he has been working hard to make sure he is ready for our future plan but im afraid he start to abandon me..i try to give him the signal not to do that often no matter how i understand what he is doing but i need some attention too..we have been in long distance relationship for like 6years...we seldom meet..maybe 3,4 times each year...so all i asks is his attention...yea, we talk everyday but now its getting regular and sour....its like we have this must-ask question for each other like 'have u eat?'..'what u wear?..' and we start to enter silent zone....am i asking too much from him??...i feel so greedy at the moment....last night we had dis little discussion about what colour we should wear for the engagement..itu macam tak tentu hala discussionnya...i wish it will be something fun to discuss... =( life is not beautiful as it is.....

now im missing him..he remain silent..does he fall asleep again?...where are you when i need u........the temptation is so great out there...hold me closer...im hang on to you................

loves who loves you

not less than 10 minutes after i post entry about my chat with albert...i come to realise i should grow up..he will not coming back to me no matter what...things wont get back as they were before....its getting impossible we can get together....IM RUNNING BACK TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND...................he is my future now.................

Can we not meet?

Albert: I didn't get your previous message.. Hehe.. Karma did come and bite me in the ass

young: is it possible we meet before this year end?

Albert: What for if I might ask?

young: because its 1 of my wishlist.well..it is one side benefit anyway..

Albert: Can we not meet?

young: why?
young: i know its pretty annoying question but atleast i know y..

Albert: A lot of reason actually.. But basically is that I wanna things to stay the way there are

young: oo...ok..expected... i think even God wants things to stay like the way they are
young: is your GF online?dia pesan bagitau albert that she misses u

Albert: She's online.. She's not answering pun.Actually.. When I reached Sabah the first time round you SMS my friend and we on the phone.. My first instinct was to meet you.. Big mistakes should if happen.. My

young: big mistake?

Albert: Erm.. It will be..

young: understood

Albert: You seem not to see what I forsee?

young: i cant actually...

Albert: You could if you were to read my notes

young: ok...you penah cerita sebab kalau kita jumpa something will happened
young: because we like each other..im still like u now..

Albert: Like? I wrote love.. Is it me yg perasan kah when I wrote that?

young: love actually...sebenarnya malu sudah tulis gitu sebab like im the only 1 left

Albert: . Then it's true that we are in loves.. As written..

young: may i quote ur words that u said to me before this?
young: on 2nd thought..nda jadi la quote our chat tu..its just history bah tu..no point juga..u got ur point dalam note juga. im glad i still keep my own notes juga..how beautiful it was

Albert:  I need to remind myself that you are engaged to be married.. Kalu nda.. It's hard to tahan actually

young: im the 1 who suppose to realise dat..im no longer that person which stand on diverge...im heading 1 way now...but i need u.  i feel like my brain, my creativity, my jokes got faded without u.gosh.

Albert: As a friend .. I'll always be there for you

young: and i hate it whenever im jealous of your GF..i wanna smash my head on the wall!@_@ i feel like stupid.i hope in times my heart n mind get along.
young: still there?

Albert: As a friend .. I'll always be there for you

Albert: Haha.. Jangan bah gitu.. Sometimes friendship last longer than lovers

young: u r absolutely right....1 thing i regret about this friendship is we have to hide it.

Albert: It's ok.. Let's flow as long as it flow .. Surelly all of this will end after you're married

young: end?u mean this friendship?

Albert: Ya.. It will end.. Surelly

young: i dunno what to say anymore but no use to cry over didnt happned yet so lets cherish the moment we still have..thats y i want to see u but not approved.than i wanna ask when u gonna write again?

Albert: Question: when the time we usually chat?

young: u mean nowadays?nowadays at this hour.but previously when u at work.2-5pm and early morning 1am-3am..

Albert: Where will your husband during those period?

young:  haha..got ur point..ok,at home.thats y im asking u to write again..i want to stay connected to u.through writing atleast.

Albert: Blog?

young: ya..perhaps blog.

Albert: I don't know where to start.. Lagipun.. Your hubby will request for your password juga tu nanti..
young: erm.....i cant make u write..it suppose to be something u truely want to write.

Albert: For you.. I try..

young: saya ada new blog but i want to make it anynomous..erm,kalau you bilang begitu...understood juga la.just write when u want to...dont try too hard..i must tell u this.u r great writer.

Albert: Am I?

young: yes.comment from ur loyal reader..haha..or was it affected by our friendship..haha..naa..u r still great writer if i dont know u. go read ur blog..u made ur points there

Albert: I read it more than twice already.. I don't understand much.. But I have to say that it seem to be very much influential with your blog



and the next day his blog updated =) all i can say thank you very much. If anyone notice,i change the name coz the previous 1 is too close with the real name.

im trying to hard...
pretending that i dont need him
pretending that im ready to settle down
pretending that im ok on my own
i dont know what i want............
the last thing i could ask is i want to meet him before the engagement next year.
Just to fulfill my wish.

11/7/2011

5 months after the news i got from his girlfriend...he called me but with the question....Are you Young?We never met?..........he doesnt remember me at all...... =)

Last long chat (some of it)

Start 12.55 AM..27/1/11

young: albert!!
albert: uik..
young: yooo
albert: ..but aren't you online with ur BF just now?
albert: yooo?
young: huhu
young: sorry...
young: ya i did
young: how do u know
albert: ok.. i am up to it... hehe.. yoo
albert: instinct bah.. nothing to be sorry about
young: kuat juga insticnt
young: berbaloi saya tidur lewat ni malam
albert: tu baru basic instinct tu...
albert: same here.. tommorrow 8.00am saya meeting..
young: SAYA PUN
young: aduiii
young: matiii
albert: hahaha.. bisuk jadi ayam patuk jagung boh
young: i cant...im d one who do the talking..
albert: sama la..
albert: it's me tu di depan.. sebab tu i am not worried at all..
young: hehehe...
young: so cool.....
albert: no worried sebab kalau kita yg talking.. kita nda akan menggantuk boh..
young: betul boh
albert: jangan duduk diam mendengar saja...
albert: tu sure akan terantuk meja tu kepala tu
young:hahaha...kesiankan.. mesti mcm kena karen tu terus tekajut
albert: hehe.. done that actually..
young: kotoh
young: u know what
albert: wha"?
young: sejak stay d kningau ni...suka saya sama bhs dusun especially siou....
albert: hahaha... the easiest language to understand - dusun..
young: ya bah.. lgpun sama mcm bisaya
albert: ..and it so easy to predict what Dusun are talking because .. usually Dusun are spoken with face expression.. and gesture..
albert: ya.. almost the same with bisaya..
young : saya belajar tapun2 lagi aritu
albert: hahahahha.. coming from you.. it must be cute.. TAPUN SAGANG..
albert: apa gia tu.. lupa sudah saya..
albert: TAPUN SAGANG SOLI KASOI.. tu lah kali tu.. nda confident juga saya nie
young: aduii... apa tu tapun sagang?
albert: dia lah tu juga.. TAPUN actually si a short form for the word that i have just wrote..
albert: ..am i slow or something wrong with the connection..
young: u do fine
young: ko d mana?...
albert: at home.. baru balik..
young: dr mana?...
albert: i met my CEO tadi petang then we went fishing for a while tadi..
young: waaa.relax...best juga... dapatla ikan?...
albert: manada.. my ceo dapat mabuk ada la..
young: d laut ka?
young: uih...ada berita tambuakar timbuld beaufort
mj: apa jua?
young: tambuakar bah
young: naga air
albert: ya.. di laut.. keliing pulau saja bah.. issitail orang kaya boh..
albert: isk.. kalau ada NAGA di BEAUFORT.. banyak sudah NELAYAN nda balik rumah boh..
albert:  Young?
young: im watching a vid.. mo nangis ni
young: bodo ni org....
albert: apa punya Video?
young: org dera puppy
albert: err.. am i disturbing you?
young: setan betul
albert: budu mau dera.. sembelih om makan terus boh..
young: tidak2
young: sy tgk d FB..HIGH KA NI ORG????
albert: isk.. kenapa juga kau mau tinguk yang begitu tu..?? leave it be bah..
young: CRYING.....
young: buduh...... erm..siou...
albert: mati kah?
young: tidak tinguk sampai abis... 15min tu vid.. dari awal smpai akhr dia buang..pukul2 tu anjing macam toy saja
albert: i thot benda begitu kena screen by youtube?
young: 'dia mo paksa tu anjing berdiri
young: tidak..its from utube
albert: misti orang putih lah tu kan?
young: anjing tu cute bah....
young: tidak...chinese
albert: Chinese from US?
young: na... maybe mainland
albert: CHINESE from CHINA?
young: ya..china...
albert: hehhe.. i think you misunderstood tu.. i think that Chinese is tenderizing the puppy for dinner kali tu..
young: u should watch it
albert: no.. i rather not..
albert: i have seen much worst than that.. trust me..
young: aduiii... luluh hati saya....
albert: berhenti lah tinguk tu..
young: sudah stop....
albert: bah.. relax.. nanti ada orang kena nightmare nanti
albert: ..kena lagi alone di Keningau.. nda da orang mau gapus..
young: huhuhuhuhu...peluk bntal jakla
albert: hehhhe.. bukan nda biasa kan?
albert: aduii.. the story of our life..
young: huhu
albert: ngantuk sudah kah?
young: tidak la..no idea what to comment... huhu
albert: oo.. blur lah tu kan..
albert so.. how is ur BF?.. nda da gaduh sudah kah?
young: gaduh..sebab selalu saya sibuk.. lupa sms dia...ohya...he is coming this feb
albert: ..tu pun mau gaduh?.. aduii.. Too Much Loves
albert: that is good news indeed..
albert: jangan lupa bawa dia pigi Ranau.. the most Romantic place in the world
young: u think?...maybe
young: family yg rancang...
young: sy sendiri pun nda tau pa2
young: tau2 sda dorg plan mcmtu...
albert: my turn to be spechless..
young: erm.......sy sebenarnya nda mau bgtau....
albert: it's ok.. kasih exercise tu hati..
albert: ..not forgetting the jantung..
young: its not healthy u know
albert: ..it's ok.. news like that will do me good.. lama sudah juga ini hati and jantung nda exercise..*lauhging
young: erm........ lucu ka................... napa saya sedih ni.......................
albert: isk.. chill la..
albert: that's how our life are written.. sometimes we just have to terima certain things
young: share la macamana ko chill
albert: ..you loves ur bfto the fullest of your heart?
albert: uina.. lambatnya answer?
young: thinking...asking myself...
albert: jangan jawap la kalau nda sure.. nanti buat keliru sendiri nanti
young: u dont hv to know jga bah kan
albert: erm.. maybe i shouldn't know..
young: ya lah...ermm...
albert: ok..

albert: ..ever heard of the SUSU BESAR CONTEST jokes?
young: erk??
young: tidak... cita la...
young: duduk besila sda neh
young: sambil tungkat dagu
albert: ok..
albert: ada nie contest susu besar dari seluruh dunia..
albert: first : Thailand.. dia keluar.. semua orang bersorak.. besar macam KELAPA bah susu dia..
young: OK......
albert: second: INDONESIA : lagi kuat orang bersorak.. kalah tu WATER MELON bah...
young: ok..........
albert: third: NIGERIA : macam tu NANGKA.. sampai di lantai boh..
albert: fourth: AFRICA ..terus semua orang terdiam.. tergaman..
albert: tergamam..
albert: tergamam..
young: ikut tergamam
albert: macam LIMAU MANDARIN Kong Hee Fatt Choi boh..
young: aik...
albert: (sudah lah tergaman tu)
young: nda
young: heran suda ni
albert: why pula?
young: kecik?
albert: ..tu baru PUTING dia bah..
albert:*smile
young:hahahahahahahaha...... gila!!!!
young: ewwwww!!!!
young: mo dikatuk neh si marx...
albert: hehhe.. so next time you pick a LIMAU MANDARIN.. remember me and that jokes..
young: hahahahaha
young: always do
young: naa.. tamba2 lagi ni mo CNY
albert: i know.. memang delebrate saya mau tunggu CNY to tell the jokes to you bah tu..
young: ya...kena pula this season.. aduyai...
albert: .. some jokes for your brother masa balik CNY nanti
young: isk...tak sesuai'
young: dengan my girl cuzzie bulih la
young: btw tanksssssss~
albert: no hal...

When he still remember me

Albert(1/24/2011): hi young.. sorry for the long nump without any words or salam but bare in mine.. i do have you in my mind alwyas bah. If you were to really know.. i was thinking about you last night and what things might be if we were to be not what we are today. But i guess everything have it purpose. The purpose to leave and to die. Wherever i might be.. whereever i am going.. you are always there young..

Albert (1/24/2011): ..and stop looking for my replacement.. just like me looking for your replacement before you creates this ID.. it will be a waste of time becuase.. this i am very sure.. there is only one.. and only one.. young. Only ONE.. whom i can trust.. whom i can be who i really am.. no pretencious notion.. no agenda.. and only you have the capability to enhance my imagination and appreciates what i am have..

Albert(1/24/2011): Thank you young..

berita

11/2/11...saya dapat panggilan daripada girlfriend dia mengatakan dia koma sekarang...dan berada d UK....selepas dari spain amik his mom...yang saya maklum..dia memang akan ke barca........perasaan saya bercampur-campur...saya risau...saya harap dia akan sedar semula.....

me as warden 2

Semalam dah ditetapkan sebelum bermula waktu prep..warden akan check bilik ke bilik untuk kebersihan dan check kuku sekali..nak dijadikan cerita...saya masuk ke bilik nombor 3..saya ucap selamat malam sambil melangkah masuk ke bilik tersebut..saya arahkan budak-budak berdiri di depan locker masing-masing..sambil saya check locker...saya minta dorang tunjukkan kuku....

Saya minta pelajar yang pertama tunjukkan kuku...tapi saya tengok dia tak buka tangannya cukup luas..saya tak nampak jari-jarinya...saya berkeras minta dia tunjukkan betul-betul..tapi masih juga gaya yang sama...sampaikan saya pegang jari-jarinya...keras..tak lentur...rupa-rupanya jari pelajar tersebut tak sempurna................saya rasa bersalah..........

My lesson :Kadang-kadang kita expect orang lain normal macam kita.......padahal they have special needs....

Me as warden

1ST DAY (3/1/11)

Arini saya bangun seawal jam 4.30 AM tapi sambung balik tido-tido ayam sampai jam 4.50 AM..saya memang dah tak boleh tido lena waktu tu..terfikir ada tanggungjawab yang menunggu iaitu membuka kunci pintu pagar untuk budak-budak asrama yang nak pegi solat subuh di surau.

Warg!ingatkan lepas tu nak sambung tido balik tapi tetap tak leh..rasa macam tak sedap hati ja. Terus g dapur masak air..sambil tu bersihkan dapur sementara tunggu air masak.Arini nak mandi air panas!sebab sini sejuk bangeeet!!rasa macam sekali simbah ja kulit dah kecut!

2ND DAY (4/1/11)

Arini mngantuk sangat.Lepas bukak pagar ja terus tido.Huh..sebab gara-gara tido lewat plus ber3G dengan my BF..nasib la tak terlajak tido.Mandi pun agak lewat dari kemarin. Arini wujud perasaan tak selesa sebab semasa
saya tengah memandikan diri terdengar suara warden lain beri arahan kepada dak2 asrama.Rasa macam serba salah sebab saya yang ada di situ tak mampu nak bagi arahan sebegitu.Owh..rasa helpless.

3RD DAY (5/1/11)
Arini saya bangun jam 5 am...p bukak pagar lepas tu sambung balik tido.Mengantuk sangat-sangat. Saya set alarm untuk bangun 5.30am tapi terlajak sampai 6.15am.Itu pun sebab dengar riuh rendah suara dak2 asrama.Fuh..Arini juga saya buat rondaan bilik ke bilik.So far so good tapi ada juga minor error saya perlu tegur dengan anak2 ni. Kalau tandas pulak, saya kasi markah -100! ya negatif.sebab najis-najis manusia lain pula terpaksa saya lihat.shot!I feel better today sebab dah mula selesa menggunakan kuasa yang saya ada. *Smile~